About the journey being hard
I’ve been realizing
My own impact
With regard to difficulties
Even in injustices
And things I can’t control

Just felt hunted all the time
And vigorously defeated
By emotional, relational, financial and health issues
I felt I pretty much sucked and sunk in all things
In the pit of despair
Feeling forsaken by God
handing even my body to satan for his destruction
Thinking satan would surely love me more than God

And in the pit
Where even pity left me
I called the panic attacks to come
Wishing my slayer to finish me off
And it was then
that something happened
For when I called the panic attack
It didn’t come
Because I welcomed it
And I learned something
How to end panic attacks

and so there I stood
for the first time
on top of the mountain of fear
having conquered it
still with a life somewhat in shambles
yet to those less fortunate
a life of a king

and a spirit of thankfulness
and great wonder
came upon me
a spirit of creation
as if my own destiny wand
was now unlocked
laying sparkling before me
and as I gazed upon it
its magical powers
calling me to use it
like a fairy in a fairy tale
and an anointed sword for war
the Excalibur
my own tongue
my spiritual eyes opened
to the great power of faith

and it was then I understood
for the very first time
with all my being
what God meant by faith
the faith small as a mustard seed
that could move a mountain
in the true love of God
that reaches down in the pit of our despair
and gives grace to make it through
the terrible
but purposefully holding back reward
in our time of worry
because He doesn’t want to train us to worry
like not rewarding a dog for bad behavior
so as to encourage the good

God loving me enough
To force me towards faith
By not rewarding me for worry
especially when i hit bottom
cuz when you’re down
there’s only one way to go
and when you’ve already let go of life
there seems to be no reason to worry

And here I thought He forgot me
But He was just teaching me
Teaching me not to worry
so let worry go
and give faith a chance
test it
you have nothing to lose
but worry

now having already conquered fear
the grip fear had over me
was loose enough now
that worry became just a decision
and not an overwhelming darkness
that engulfed me beyond my power

the light went on
and all the pieces of the puzzle
snapped together
they the power of my tongue
the faith and the worry
the sword and my shield
and I began to leave worry
when it came knocking
and looked at me
I turned my back on it
And closed the door in its face
When it tempted me
I said no and reached for faith
And when it jumped in my arms
I dropped it
Left it on the ground
And walked away
And little by little
It became like a nagging fly
That finally goes away
Worry didn’t rule me anymore

First no fear
and then no worry

The faith that moves the mountains now
The one that comes with reward
uprooted by worry
Uprooted by fear
grab onto that faith
Like it’s your last chance for survival
for in it is all life and all victory
Because the power of it
Is the way God set up the universe
To use faith
As a swordsman carves out his own destiny

The truth
Worry and fear are booby traps
They hurt you emotionally and physically
But they can also rob from the future
From the blessings God gives for faith
For faith is credited to us
as righteousness (Romans 4:5)
and the prayer of a righteous man
Is powerful and effective (James 5:16)

whatever we ask for in prayer
believe we receive it
and it will be ours (Mark 11:24)
Jesus said:
“I tell you the truth,
if you have faith and do not doubt,
not only can you do what was done to the fig tree,
but also you can say to this mountain,
‘Go, throw yourself into the sea,’
and it will be done.
If you believe, you will receive
whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21:21)

For the tongue has the power
of life and death,
and those who love it
will eat its fruit.  (Proverbs 18:21)

Now remember this
Sorrow is better than laughter
because a sad face
is good for the heart (Ecclesiastes 7:3)

As his children,
we are heirs
heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ,
if indeed we share in his sufferings
in order that we
may also share in his glory (Romans 8:17)
Regarding disgrace for the sake of Christ
as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt,
looking ahead to our reward (Hebrews 11:26)

and here I stand
now having conquered
the mountains of fear and worry
and though still tempted
nonetheless victorious
and what lies ahead
is the promised land
and all the blessings
God has in store for me
And for my family
And for all those
Who trust in Him
Enough to have faith
to lay fear and worry down
The true test of faith
Where all reward lies
From righteousness to treasures

And in the knowledge
That the rewards in the life
Shall fade away
we fix our eyes not on what is seen,
but on what is unseen.
For what is seen is temporary,
but what is unseen is eternal (2 Corinthians 4:18)

“Then the King will say to those on his right,
‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father;
take your inheritance,
the kingdom prepared for you
since the creation of the world.
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you invited me in,
I needed clothes and you clothed me,
I was sick and you looked after me,
I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
“Then the righteous will answer him,
‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you,
or thirsty and give you something to drink?
When did we see you a stranger and invite you in,
or needing clothes and clothe you?
When did we see you sick
or in prison and go to visit you?’
“The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth,
whatever you did for one of the least
of these brothers of mine,
you did for me.’

For it is written:
“No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared
for those who love him” (1 Corinthians 2:9)

But store up for yourselves
treasures in heaven,
where moth and rust do not destroy,
and where thieves do not break in and steal.
Matthew 6:20

You reach for worry and fear
You don’t get rewarded
But in His mercy you get grace
not because He doesn’t love you
but because He does love you
and wants to teach you not to worry
You reach for faith
You move the mountain
That’s the law
The universal law