Anatomy Match

There’s something to be said
for being direct
Like get this
So I’m a virgin all through high school
Faithfully married 15 years
Raised to think
and then thought
that sex is bad
unless you’re committed

Well “committed” is what you should be
if you commit before you have sex
Let me tell ya

So the only doc
with a doctorate in sex
in my state
tells me I need to think outside the box
So how exactly does that work
with my religion I said
cuz the way i’m thinking
I’m never getting “married” again
because i will not allow
my love and commitment to be subject to approval
by any institution
nor will i allow it to be defined or caged by anyone
marriage is an issue of the heart
and to thine own self be true
the Bible says
do not make any oath to anyone

and I sure don’t think a sexless life
cuz your love isn’t institutionalized
is lovely or healthy
So I did step outside the box
and counted my freedom
in the light of mercy
for Jesus did say
there’s no more law but love
using the marriage law as the example of a dead law
and everything is permissible

Then came the problem
Well who to have sex with
So I experimented
Just a little
Like once
And then it hit me like a mack truck
If you have sex with someone
you’re gonna have some kind of relationship
Whether you think you will or not
and it might be an i’m-having-ur-baby relationship
or an i’m-aborting-ur-baby relationship
or a thank-u-very-little-for-that-disease relationship
or a i’m-goin’-to-a-Swedish-prison-cuz-the-bitch-lied relationship
or even a stalker relationship
as for me … it was a
this-guy-is-way-too-jealous-and-this-ain’t-no-fun-anymore relationship
So you still need to be smart and choosey

And then when you are
and when you think the guy is hot
and you just want to do him
and the chemistry and passion are great
and you get all geared up
thinking tonight is the night
and then …
Surprise !!!
your anatomy doesn’t fit like cinderella’s slipper
cuz there’s too much slip
ain’t no grip
or it’s too big to fit
or the manner ain’t hip
and then you feel ripped
cuz it wasn’t worth the trip

So then now what?
Let me clue you in
You don’t test every rod
without a questionnaire
Like before you get into the car
look under the hood
Like before you get under the covers
figure it out
or you’ll be in for lots of surprises
Don’t set yourself up for that

So instead of waiting and dating
i say
before your first date
just ask him how big his cock is
and if he measures up
well then go on the date
and save yourself awkward times
Those GQ men
who rate a 10
but don’t measure 10
no measure
no pleasure

But then do remember this
Too much is painful
especially if he doesn’t know how to use it
cuz that could be one dangerous gun
And so it’s really not just all about size
It’s about match
Cuz guys feel different to girls inside
and girls feel different to guys
So make sure you match
before you catch
cuz if anyone’s not satisfied in bed
they’ll go somewhere else instead

So set aside drama
take my advice
get right down to business
don’t wait for the rice